A Rough Patch....

I have been reluctant to post lately, in part due to embarrassment about being so depressed. Really our family has been through so much in the last year. Pam has survived several layoffs, but witnessed over 70% of the people that she works with leave. Joe has transitioned to a new job. We traveled half way across the world. We adopted a beautiful girl, only to face the possibility of losing her. We traveled home facing the horrible jet lag, had to adjust sleeping patterns, only to face night terrors. We then faced the issue of a rotting and mold-infested home, only to find out the entire exterior needed to be redone. We fumbled through retaining an attorney to help recover the HUGE expense of the remodel. In addition to this it seems that no one we cross paths with anymore can do their jobs. Pam suffered with an abscessed tooth in China. When we got home she had a root canal and cap done, this on top of a tooth getting capped last September. Thanks to the dentist not being able to file an insurance claim correctly, we amassed a very large dental bill. We have requested and worked with them for over five months trying to get the account straightened out. To date, they have filed one claim correctly after five attempts!
Still on top of this we have the IRS harassing us about our 2005 taxes. We hired a CPA firm to do our taxes. Apparently the staff at this firm was not aware of tax law changes and managed to get us an extra $600.00 in a refund we were not entitled to. Now the IRS thinks we owe them $900.00. With the firms help we filed two year worth of amended returns in which we sent the check . Well apparently the auditor at the IRS felt it necessary to accept our check, but not our amended return. Now they want additional money and more information. Furthermore, they sent us notification of non-payment even though they cashed our check. Arghhh!
Never have I felt such pressure. They say that God does not give you more than you can handle, well I wonder how much faith God must have in our family!
In the meantime we struggle with the regular everyday stuff. It seems that the little things that we could just let roll off our back send us into a down spiral. Over-reaction is the norm in the last two weeks. Our stress balloons are full and we respond by being cranky. It is not just Pam and Joe, but Hannah and Elainea too. They seem to absorb all of the issues that we are concerned about through osmosis. We try to shelter them, but they know things are not right. Poor Elainea is dealing with so much already, and now we through this additional stress upon her. Her response to all of this is to be extra needy and clingy of Mom’s attention. This just inflames the flames of stress as I try to juggle her needs as well as everything that is going on.
Next month we start our post-placement requirements. This ought to be interesting. At least the house will look good. I wonder if this is normal. You wait in anticipation for over two years to add another member to your family. You are on an adrenaline high when you receive your child. Experience the lowest of all low-points in your life when you think you might lose her. Experience another high when you find out that it was all a mistake. You come home and barely have time to gather yourselves then life starts throwing major events your way. Is all of this just a normal response to the adoption event and just exasperated by the fact that we have these additional issues?
They say that there is a Post Adoption Depression that is very similar to Post Partum Depression. I may have fallen victim to this. Even with the additional stresses that we are experiencing, we have so much to be thankful for. When we returned from China I vowed that I would never take my life for granted again. I know that even if we had to start over with nothing but the shirts on our backs that we are privileged to live in this country. We enjoy the freedom of worship and to choose our life vocations, and believe in our God without persecution. How blessed is that? It is funny because my brain is telling me one thing, but yet I am feeling something to the contrary.
I take comfort in knowing that every morning I am greeted by hugs and kisses from my girls (and Joe of course). I take comfort in knowing that this will pass and soon I will laugh about all of our fretting. Until then we will just huddle close and hang on!

Summer Heat

Two sisters in the wagon. A picture we waited a long time for...

How do I look in chocolate?

Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

What a week we have had. The house is almost finished. The new color looks fabulous. We really are impressed with the workmanship. This week they will finish the soffiting, put up the fixtures and clean up. We can hardly believe that this is almost over.

Hannah started swim lessons and is doing really well. She is growing up so fast. She is getting more and more independent. I didn't think this day would ever come. Hannah is starting to show signs of her stomach ailments again. We are starting her on some medication and we will see how she responds.

Elainea is continuing to progress. She is a sassy little girl that is full of energy. If you look up the term spitfire in the dictionary you will see her picture. Her and her sister have totally bonded and will be life-long sisters and friends. I am so proud at the progress she has made. She understands English very well and is working very hard at pronouncing new words.

Today we are supposed to hear the official response for the builder's lawyer. We are praying that they will settle out of court.

Talk to you soon....

Father's Day

Lounging at the pool, or on the pool?

Doing a hick impersonation with toothpics.

I like M & Ms.

I love my sister.

A tricycle that is not built for two!

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. ~Author Unknown

We celebrated Father's Day yesterday. It was a simple but fun day. We went to eat and laughed the whole time. The girls were on their best behavior and it made the dinner so much fun. Joe ordered the salad bar and so he was able to get ice cream with various toppings. He brought it back to the table and the feedng frenzy with Elainea started. She showed us some incredible reflex action as she went in to swipe more M&Ms.

The house is getting closer to completion. They finished putting up the new basecoat for the stucco. It needs to cure for a week and then they can finish with the topcoat and trim. It will be such a relief to have it completed and the scaffolding and plastic taken down. Currently every window and door is covered with plastic. This makes the kids go crazy.

We inflated the pool and let the kids go swimming. They had so much fun together. Seeing the two girls together reminds us about what life is really about. They are so amazing. They both are changing so much right now.

There is no doubt that the sacarament of marriage was our true vocation and God gives us the grace we need to be parents. What a priceless gift we have in them.

Keep on keeping on!

Having fun at Lagoon! Walking Grandma to the car.

Walking Grandpa to the car.

A work in progress.

A beautiful girl and her Dad. Life does not get better.

For you have need of ENDURANCE, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.

Hebrews 10:36

What a fun week with the girls! We started the week with Hannah going on a field trip with her preschool class. She went to a bird refuge and came back very excited to learn more. She cheerfully sits in the back seat of the van naming the various species of birds that she learned about in school. We then went for a weekend trip to Torrey, Utah so Elainea could finally meet her Grandpa Joe. We went to mass and she held her Grandpa’s hand out to the car. She then ran back and grabbed her Grandmother’s hand. What a sweet girl! I was amazed at her reaction when we arrived home from the trip. This was our first major trip (staying overnight in a hotel) since we got back from China. I think Elainea was a little un-nerved by it all. When we pulled into the driveway you should have seen the elation on her little face. I think she thought she was going through another life transition. If you think about it, she was sheltered in an orphanage until we show up. We take her away from her familiar surroundings, travel extensively and stay in hotel rooms. No wonder she thought something was up. She got out of the car and just started laughing and riding her bike!

We were amazed at the progress they have made on the house. The old stucco is completely gone and they have wrapped the house and are almost done putting up the wire. We can not wait until the project is complete.

We were able to spend the day at Lagoon yesterday. We thought little Miss Elainea would laugh herself sick on the rides. Her reaction was not exactly what we were expecting. She did not cry, but she was totally serious when riding the rides. We actually think she enjoyed a couple of them, but she was all business about it. Hannah was excited to finally go to Lagoon with someone to sit with on the rides. I would take them into the ride and fasten them in and wait at the exit with the rest of the over-protective mothers. Hannah loved the time between being buckled in with her sister and when the ride started. She had Elainea all to herself and she could smother her in kisses without abandon. Many of the mothers noticed her display of deep affection and commented on it to me. Well I guess that Elainea finally felt like she was being mauled and hit Hannah in complete frustration! All the mother’s standing in line were laughing hysterically. As it turns out I went to high school with one of the mothers. I learned that my 20-year class reunion is this September. I do not know about this. Where did the time go? Could it really be 20 years since I graduated from high school? We will see how this story progresses.

Home Sweet Home?

A forced smile on the merry-go-round.

Black mold and rotten board anyone?




Elainea in time out. Yes, the thumb has a HUGE callous!

We love our happy girl in her BIG bow!

In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.

Margaret Atwood

It has been awhile since we have posted. There is so much going on. We are in the middle of a lawsuit. The 24hr flu went through the house and now it Elainea has pink eyes. The stucco has been totally stripped off the house and they are getting ready to put the new stucco up. They had to clean up both white and black mold. We sold the truck and with the proceeds bought a minivan. Hannah calls it her house on wheels. Hannah started summer camp at preschool. No matter what happens we are just happy to be together.

The Journey's End

Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be...Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've never lived before.”
Erich Fromm

It is hard to call this journey as concluded and consider this as an official end to our wonderful adoption story. Our family is complete, but our family story is far from over. We must admit that we are addicted to maintaining a blog (ok maybe not frequently), but it is a nice way to document what is happening and share our experiences with others. We have a new blog at www.rockwellfamilyutah.blogspot.com. We will continue to document our adventures there.
Elainea if you are reading this blog searching for answers we hope that you find the ones you are looking for. We want you to know that everyone who has had the privilege of knowing you has loved you. You were never given up, that would deny God’s will in His plan of adoption. Please know that your biological parents could not raise you, so you were destined to be part of our family. You were never rejected, only loved. Your being adopted is part of God’s plan for you. We were blessed to be part of that plan. During these past few months our love for you has grown. We can no longer imagine our lives without you. Does being adopted make you different from your sister, in the eyes of your parents, absolutely no! Historically you two have a different past, but that just makes you special. This entry is not meant to substitute all of the talks that we should have, but just serves as a testament of how we have felt all along.We love you Elainea and Welcome Home!