A Rough Patch....

I have been reluctant to post lately, in part due to embarrassment about being so depressed. Really our family has been through so much in the last year. Pam has survived several layoffs, but witnessed over 70% of the people that she works with leave. Joe has transitioned to a new job. We traveled half way across the world. We adopted a beautiful girl, only to face the possibility of losing her. We traveled home facing the horrible jet lag, had to adjust sleeping patterns, only to face night terrors. We then faced the issue of a rotting and mold-infested home, only to find out the entire exterior needed to be redone. We fumbled through retaining an attorney to help recover the HUGE expense of the remodel. In addition to this it seems that no one we cross paths with anymore can do their jobs. Pam suffered with an abscessed tooth in China. When we got home she had a root canal and cap done, this on top of a tooth getting capped last September. Thanks to the dentist not being able to file an insurance claim correctly, we amassed a very large dental bill. We have requested and worked with them for over five months trying to get the account straightened out. To date, they have filed one claim correctly after five attempts!
Still on top of this we have the IRS harassing us about our 2005 taxes. We hired a CPA firm to do our taxes. Apparently the staff at this firm was not aware of tax law changes and managed to get us an extra $600.00 in a refund we were not entitled to. Now the IRS thinks we owe them $900.00. With the firms help we filed two year worth of amended returns in which we sent the check . Well apparently the auditor at the IRS felt it necessary to accept our check, but not our amended return. Now they want additional money and more information. Furthermore, they sent us notification of non-payment even though they cashed our check. Arghhh!
Never have I felt such pressure. They say that God does not give you more than you can handle, well I wonder how much faith God must have in our family!
In the meantime we struggle with the regular everyday stuff. It seems that the little things that we could just let roll off our back send us into a down spiral. Over-reaction is the norm in the last two weeks. Our stress balloons are full and we respond by being cranky. It is not just Pam and Joe, but Hannah and Elainea too. They seem to absorb all of the issues that we are concerned about through osmosis. We try to shelter them, but they know things are not right. Poor Elainea is dealing with so much already, and now we through this additional stress upon her. Her response to all of this is to be extra needy and clingy of Mom’s attention. This just inflames the flames of stress as I try to juggle her needs as well as everything that is going on.
Next month we start our post-placement requirements. This ought to be interesting. At least the house will look good. I wonder if this is normal. You wait in anticipation for over two years to add another member to your family. You are on an adrenaline high when you receive your child. Experience the lowest of all low-points in your life when you think you might lose her. Experience another high when you find out that it was all a mistake. You come home and barely have time to gather yourselves then life starts throwing major events your way. Is all of this just a normal response to the adoption event and just exasperated by the fact that we have these additional issues?
They say that there is a Post Adoption Depression that is very similar to Post Partum Depression. I may have fallen victim to this. Even with the additional stresses that we are experiencing, we have so much to be thankful for. When we returned from China I vowed that I would never take my life for granted again. I know that even if we had to start over with nothing but the shirts on our backs that we are privileged to live in this country. We enjoy the freedom of worship and to choose our life vocations, and believe in our God without persecution. How blessed is that? It is funny because my brain is telling me one thing, but yet I am feeling something to the contrary.
I take comfort in knowing that every morning I am greeted by hugs and kisses from my girls (and Joe of course). I take comfort in knowing that this will pass and soon I will laugh about all of our fretting. Until then we will just huddle close and hang on!